fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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