and i looked up. we had an audience...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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