I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
