The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
