How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
