I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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