"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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