This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
