dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
