how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
