just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
