So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
