woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
