I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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