Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
