The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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