I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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