Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
