I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
