you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
