she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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