it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got inside last night via doggy door
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
