OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
