Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
