You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
