She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
