As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
