Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
