I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
