My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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