How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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