The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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