just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
