I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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