watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
