I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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