and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
