What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
