Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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