I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
