Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
