i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
