dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
