I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
