his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
