Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
