you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
