Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
