he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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