ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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