It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I deserve this hangover.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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