I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
