zippers are such a cool invention
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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