Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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