i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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