So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
