We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is wine microwaveable?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Terrible idea I love it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
