I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
