I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
