Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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