how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
