the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
