Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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