So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
