I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
