i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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