just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If i come over, it means nothing
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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