That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
