Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
