Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
