the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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