Pappa wants mamma naked
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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