i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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