It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
