he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
