omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
